My Revising Writing. (edited writing).

On Saturday I was at my Papa's,  Aunt’s and Uncle’s house getting ready for halloween. When I saw my Papa dressed as a spooky zombie I felt scared. I was dressed as a purple bat.  I was ready for halloween. Me and my Papa were going around the houses asking for lollies.

Once I went to a house that was very black and very spooky. My Papa got scared I told him don’t worry It's just a house full of decorations. There was spiderwebs,  bats and witch decorations. I knocked on the door and out came a man in a ghost costume. A lady gave us yummy sweets. Trick or treat I said to them next I went down to another house that wasn't spooky as it was It only had spiders and a black witch’s  broom I knocked on the door and out came a lady dressed as witch she gave us chocolate candy pumpkins.

When we stopped at Kings road we saw my friend Zara and her Dad Babu they were going trick or treating for yummy treats to. Me and my Papa were walking to Zara. We asked could we come with you to get some yummy treats they said yes when we stopped down at the cafe we had a hot chocolate and a strawberry cupcake. Then we went back down to Coats Cress to go to other houses for trick or treating.

When we saw another house that was even scarier. I said happy trick or treat. Out came a spider, the man gave us lollies  and chocolate,  it was fun at halloween. It was time to go home I said bye to my friend Zara and went home to eat all the goodies.   

Yesterday and today I have been working with Brooklyn. We had to read over a simple piece of writing. Brooklyn and I had to make changes as the original piece. We had may mistakes like we did not put a capital h for Halloween and we spelled coral cress wrong.

My Coomment

My Chopsticks Challenge

“Yes” This was going to be the best day ever I said to my friend. Today room seven did a chopsticks challenge. The challenge was that we had to pick up the lollies with a chopsticks. The first thing that we did was that Miss Paton had to measure the bowl for one meter across the table. The first round was the wine gums, we had to get into our groups and wait for Miss Paton to say ready set go. When we started my group got one winegums into the bowl. When it was my turn I was concentrating so I can get one into the bowl and I did. When all the groups had a turn with the winegums. we had to move one to a second round. It was that Miss Paton had to pour the wine gums out of the bowl and poured it into the bag. It was fun trying to get a wine gums into the bowl. Then we had another challenge. The challenge was tricky because the challenge was, that we had to try pick a pebble up with a chopsticks. The pebble was slippery like soap. My group tried to get a pebble in the bowl. Hajerah was the first one to get a pebble into the bowl. Then the rest of my group were trying their best to get one in. When it was lunch time I stayed inside the classroom with Sky, Caesar, Miss Paton and a student. When I stayed inside the classroom  was able to get a pebble into the bowl that was across the table. After lunch time we carried on with the chopsticks challenge in the afternoon. In the afternoon Miss Paton had to split the class in two groups. I was In Taani’s group. All the people that was In Taani’s group got one pebble in the bowl that was two meters. When it was my turn I didn’t get one in the bowl because the pebble slipped out from the chopsticks. At the end we had to do the scores. Taani’s group got seven pebbles into the bowl, and Sky’s groups got two pebbles in the bowl. The challenge was  really fun.

This is my recount about the chopsticks challenge.

My Recount Scraffold

Beginning - this includes your hook. Start your recount with an exciting beginning that captures your audience interest levels	YES! I went to Hunters Plaza. I was really excited going to Hunters Plaza. I went with my aunty and my sisters.
Ensure your recount covers the orientation: When, Where, Who, What, Why and How Set your recount out in a clear logical order and in paragraphs Write in the past tense Use lots of adjectives - (describing words) personal thoughts and feelings Language Features such as similes, metaphors, onomatopoeia Use connectives	When we got to Hunters Plaza the first thing I did was that I went to Kmart and bought some clothes for my cousin.Then next we went to go to the food court to eat. Me and My sisters had Mcdonalds. I also had some of my sisters nuggets that were golden inside like the potatoes how they are golden.  What I had from Mcdonald's was a crispy chicken wrap with aioli sauce, Salad, and some tomatoes it was delicious.   Next we went to the fish ‘n’ chips shop to buy my mum some food. Then I went to drop my mum some food off. After that we went to my dad’s training.Me and my brother stayed at the tranning with my dad. We went to the Park. The first thing we did was that we went to the swings. Then we went to the sand pit and build a volcano with water inside it, it was awesome. Then me and my brother went to have a race on the spiderman web. I was the first one to touch the top and get down first.
Conclusion Sums up how you felt about the experience.	After we came down I felt happy because I got to play with my brother and have fun. I was really happy that my brother came with me. I felt really happy.

Today I have made a recount scaffold about what I did in the holidays. This. is my recount and I have finished it today.

My Recount Writing Structer

Today I learnt what a recount is. A recount retells and describe the past event. I am also learning about what  about what a orientation is. An orientation is when you put When, Where, Who, Why,What and how into your recounts. We also learnt what a summary is. A summary is the end of a piece of writing.

Blog Bootcamp

These are my 3 comments for the day.

Blog Bootcamp

Now I have finished my 2nd comment that I made on the recorder.

Blog Bootcamp

This is my fist comment that I am about to post on my blog. i had to make a comment on the electives.

What I learnt

Today I made a slide called what I learnt. I had to write what I learnt at the maori game rotation

Blog Bootcamp

These are my five comments for today.

5th comment

This is my 5th comment that I made its my last comment.

4th comment

This is now my 4th comment that I have made. I made this  comment on room 5 blog.

3rd comment

This is my 3rd comment that I have made. I made this comment on reading.

What I learnt at string games.

This is my slide about what I learnt at string games. What I learnt was how to make a parachute and how to make the cats and cradle and how to make the cup and saucer.

Blog Bootcamp

My Blog comments for the day

Blog Bootcamp

This is now my 3rd comment that I made. I made this on Halatoa's poster.

Blog Bootcamp

This is my 2nd comment that I have made.

Blog Bootcamp

This is my first comments. I made this comment on mia and jasman.

Revising Sentences

Today I have been learning about the word DRAFT. DRAFT is like an acrostic poem. Each letter of this word means something in writing. Today we have been focusing on the D.D stands for Delete. In class Miss Paton shared with us a pieces of writing which we had to delete, take out words and change sentences. Here in my piece  of writing.

Miss Paton’s copy

Miss Paton has a cat. His name is Oscar. He is a tabby cat. Oscar can be a pain in the neck. He likes to sniff my rubbish bin. He always come to my house wanting food. Oscar likes to fall asleep on my couch. He does not like my laptop computer. He would rather sit on my lap. Oscar would like me to give him the attention.

68 words

My copy

Miss Paton has a cat named Oscar. He is a tabby cat. Oscar can be a pain. He likes to sniff my rubbish bin most of the day. He always come to my house feeling disappointed. Oscar likes to sleep on my couch. He does not like my laptop. He’d would sit on my lap. He would sit on my lap and get the attention.

65 words

Blog Bootcamp

This is my 3rd comment that I have made. I have been working hard to get all 4 comments done instead of playing around.